Friday, April 06, 2007

A statistical analysis of bohnspam.

Since I was unable to go to work today, I instead chose to use my extreme statistical skills to run a few numbers on my spam from Marc over the last year. What you see below will likely never be published in a peer reviewed journal, nor is it likely very accurate or robust, none-the-less, I think it is relevant. First off, I was curious as to what my inbox might look like in say... 3 years. Well, first, I plotted the number of mass emails I have received from Marc per month in the last year. The results are shown at the right.
The astute reader (or rather picture-looker-at-er) will likely notice the upward trend. Not simple linear trend, but a complex non-linear function. This is likely due to such "life events" as the birth of Marc's first child, law school finals, television programming, and in general, an increase in efficiency and internet usage time. Thus, using highly sophisticated reasoning and computational means, I chose to extrapolate from these data, in order to estimate the number of mass emails I should expect to receive from Marc over the next few years. This analysis is important, as it will allow me to plan my hard drive upgrades as well as estimate whether my current email account will be sufficiently large to be able to hold this increasing onslaught of mailings. In the graph that follows, I chose to use a simple exponential growth function to model the future emailing habits of Mr. Bohn.
Again, one might observe that in just over 2 years from now, I should expect to receive well over 8.5 BILLION such emails per month. To give you perspective on this, this is SIGNIFICANTLY more than I currently receive from ALL sources.* If our national debt was growing at the same rate (which it probably is) we would each owe over $100 for every second of our lives, until we turn the magical age of 72. If that sounds made up, well it is.

Other stats of interest:
Of the current 167 Marc Bohn emails cluttering my inbox, I calculated a few statistics based on the subject, the source of news and other interesting features.

The first interesting finding was that of all the subjects I tested, Mitt Romney was the most common theme. Being over TWICE as common as any other theme. (Mormon being the second most popular, with 3 containing both "Romney" and "Mormon"). This finding, along with other evidence prove unequivocally who Marc will support in the 2008 presidential elections.

In spite of this whole-hearted endorsement of a GOP candidate for '08, another interesting fact is shown: with 10 references to "Democrats" in the subject lines, there were ZERO direct references to the Republican party! Coincidence? I leave that up to the reader to decide...

The most commonly cited source for these emails was the Deseret News, which was the source over 2 times more than any other single news source. Typical liberal media...

Finally, the following chart shows the number of times that Marc has included everyone(all 48 recipients of this spam)'s email address in the email for everyone to see.
Fortunately, I was able to use this list to enroll all readers to this site. Now, you can expect several emails per hour! You can all thank me (and Marc) later.

(Unfortunately, due to the increase in readership and bandwidth... as well as upgrading my harddrive, I was forced to find ways to subsidize this site. If you are looking for a list of well-educated political junkies for campaign fundraising, etc., I have a list of about 46 currently. Just email me and make an offer.)

In conclusion. There is conclusive evidence presented concluding that all concluded conclusions hereafter made are highly likely, given the current data and models.

* Use of all caps is a common method in the most erudite edumacated scientific circles to show emphasis.


Anonymous Malcolm the Dog said...

I didn't believe it until I saw the Smoking Gun! He left everyone's email address on there SIX TIMES?!! Outrageous.

4/06/2007 09:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Foxy Brown said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4/06/2007 10:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Sheldon said...

I just checked my Outlook box. I have received 1,365 emails from Marc Bohn between August 7, 2006 and today (April 28). As Marc will attest, for some people, he has them on multiple spam lists.

4/28/2007 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger woo said...

Well Sheldon, if you wanted to make a grown man cry, you have succeeded. I thought Marc was my best friend, but I had less than 500 since 2004. If anyone needs me I'll be eating ice-cream from a bucket, and weeping in my room.

4/29/2007 09:55:00 PM  
Blogger Maui said...

Save me some ice cream Woo, I just counted and I have had 6.

5/07/2007 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger woo said...

6? not too shabby... for half of a weekday.

5/08/2007 08:39:00 PM  
Blogger Not Funny said...

I have zero

6/10/2007 02:15:00 PM  

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